DJ Roadblock broadcasting LIVE from somewhere between a puddle and a pond on Vlissengen Road!
🎤 WHAT’S GOOD GUYANA! DJ ROADBLOCK IN DE BUILDING!
Well… DJ Roadblock IN DE FLOODWATER more like!
🌊 TRAFFIC REPORT: AQUATIC EDITION
Alright people, let me give you de real traffic update:
Sheriff Street: If yuh car lower than a Toyota Fielder, TURN AROUND. De water deeper than de potholes, and dat is saying something.
South Ruimveldt: 97 millimetres of rain recorded. Dat is not a traffic report — dat is a MARITIME ADVISORY. Get a boat.
Independence Boulevard: Minister Edghill was spotted here doing site visits. Traffic slow because everybody slowing down to see if dat was really de Minister in rubber boots.
Ogle: Flooded. AGAIN. De people who pay premium prices fuh East Coast property currently questioning every life decision.
Lodge/Queenstown: Underwater. De drainage pumps working but de water ain’t got de memo yet.
Campbellville (Dennis Street): De Conversation Tree currently having a conversation with three feet of water.
🚧 INFRASTRUCTURE CORNER
Good news: Three ministers in the field coordinating drainage response. Pumps activated. NDIA deployed.
Bad news: De same ministers been in de same field, looking at de same flood, for de same reason, every year. At some point, shouldn’t we just FIX DE THING instead of INSPECTING DE THING?
De Demerara Bridge: Still under construction. Four-lane cable-stayed masterpiece coming soon. Today though? Yuh just need to survive de approach roads.
Asphalt overlay from Schoonord to Crane: Budgeted for 2026. Great news! Now if de road don’t wash away before dey pave it…
🏆 POTHOLE OF THE WEEK
This week’s winner: De entire drainage system of Georgetown. Not a pothole exactly — more like a 90-square-kilometre pothole filled with 96.7mm of rain.
Honourable mention: Whatever crater appeared on Sussex Street after de CDC responded to flooding. Dat one got its own postcode now.
🎤 DJ ROADBLOCK’S FRIDAY VERDICT
People, de President talking about specialised traffic courts. He talking about e-ticketing. He talking about demerit systems. He talking about biometrics.
ALL good. But today? TODAY? De biggest traffic problem ain’t bad drivers. Is BAD WATER.
Fix de drainage. Build de pumps. Clear de kokers. THEN we can talk about speed cameras.
DJ Roadblock signing off! Drive safe this weekend — and by “drive safe” I mean “check de water level before yuh commit to dat road.”
Happy Friday de 13th! 🚗💀
DJ Roadblock is a fictional character. Any resemblance to actual traffic reporters, living or drowning, is purely coincidental.