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Entire Beach Crowd Pretends To Be Relaxing While Monitoring Everyone

This is satire. Characters and scenarios are fictional. Any resemblance to real persons, statements, or events is used for commentary and entertainment purposes.

ACCRA BEACH — An estimated 340 beachgoers were observed Saturday maintaining a convincing appearance of leisure while simultaneously tracking the arrivals, conversations, swimwear, and relationship statuses of every other person present, with no indication that this constituted actual relaxation.

The situation continues to develop.