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We don't report the news. We explain what it means — and show you how it's being spun.

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Everyone Claims To Have Connection Somewhere Important

This is satire. Characters and scenarios are fictional. Any resemblance to real persons, statements, or events is used for commentary and entertainment purposes.

LAGOS — A 2026 informal survey of Lagos residents found that 91% of respondents claimed to ‘know somebody’ at one or more of the following: Customs, the Presidency, a major bank, NNPC, or the airport, a figure that mathematicians have described as statistically suspicious.

The situation continues to develop.