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Man Says He's Not Involved, Knows Everything

This is satire. Characters and scenarios are fictional. Any resemblance to real persons, statements, or events is used for commentary and entertainment purposes.

PRETORIA — While repeatedly asserting that he ‘stays out of’ neighbourhood matters, 52-year-old Gerrie Nel has over the past fiscal year demonstrated a detailed mastery of residents’ vehicle sales, divorces, extensions without permits, and adult children who have returned home.

The situation continues to develop.