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Neighbourhood Knows Your Business Before You Finish Living It

This is satire. Characters and scenarios are fictional. Any resemblance to real persons, statements, or events is used for commentary and entertainment purposes.

BELMONT — Residents of a single block in Belmont have developed what researchers are calling a ‘predictive social surveillance network,’ capable of disseminating news of a neighbour’s life events to surrounding streets within an average of 7 to 11 minutes of the event occurring.

The situation continues to develop.